Leap of Faith
by eosvuaddictx
Summary: What happens when that bullet was meant for you? One partner is trying to keep it together and the other is critically injured.


**AN: **Testing waters….

**Song listening to: **James Madison U. Exit 245 - Fix You

Eli doesn't exist. Playing house will be updated soon.

_10-13_

_10-13_

_Shots fired. Officers need assistance._

_Chapter 1_

_Lights will guide you:_

The cold water felt like daggers as it touches her skin. The pure sensation of the "blades" sent chills across her body. She cursed at herself when she looked up from the sink, a painful reminder of what happened in the last twenty four hours.

She never felt so vulnerable and she hates it. She could never take the feeling of vulnerability and that's why she always hides it from others. If she didn't show it and kept it bottled up, it didn't exist. But this time, it's hard to contain and she can't say it doesn't affect her. It's slowly killing her inside and there's nothing she can do.

She looked up at the mirror again, a single tear traveled down her cheek. A subtle whimper escaped her lips and she wasn't prepared to what was going to happen next.

Pain shot through her fist, stinging as she brought it to her chest. Her distorted view came clear out this trance and realized that her stability was just like the mirror, shattered.

The scattered pieces of mirror across the sink were mocking her, showing her reflection from all different angles. She felt exposed as she looked at her reflections, getting the feeling at the pit of her stomach that all this could have been avoided. She couldn't help but blame herself for the shooting and the depths of its aftermath that would follow suit.

She let her fist relax in the flow of water, removing little shards of glass in the process. She was sure that it was going to leave a scar but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling now.

Her good hand went to her chest, brushing against it and withdrawing it completely. She felt dirty, she didn't like that either.

She slipped her arms out of the sleeves of her blouse, over her head and discarded it in the sink. She started scrubbing at the piece of clothing, hard. The stain had to come off; she couldn't bear looking at it any longer. It was just simply tearing her apart even more. She let the shirt soak as she began to scrub her face, arms, and hair repeatedly; until the crimson marks would disappear. Numbness started taking over her body as her skin felt raw from the scrubbing.

"Olivia?"

Her eyes went back to the mirror once more and saw the figure at the door frame.

"Olivia?"

Her eyes went back to her shirt and continued to try to wash away the remainders from the hours before.

The figure stepped closer. "Olivia….. The nurse told me where to find you." 

No response.

"I don't know what to say..."

She stopped the water, ringing out the water from her shirt.

"Olivia everything is going to be ok."

"You didn't see him Don," she responded as she turned around. She still wasn't looking him directly in the eye.

"Olivia….."

"You don't know how bad it is," she said, barely audible.

"Olivia, you know him, he's going to survive this."

"There was so much blood…. And I…."

Her legs started to buckle and the last thing that she was going to do was break down in front of her boss.

"Olivia, this isn't your fault. You couldn't possible know…"

"Don't. You. Dare. Don. You weren't there," she snapped back, quickly regretting what just came out of her mouth.

"I know I wasn't there. Do you care to fill me in?" he asked with concern.

"I can't…" she whispered, fighting a tear that started to surface.

"Ok, I understand." He tried looking in her eyes but saw nothing. "I'm going to send Munch and Fin to the house.."

"No."

"Olivia."

"Please I want to do it," she said, finally looking him in the eye. She saw the pity he was giving her, the concern for her well being.

"You're not in any shape."

"It should come from me, I'm his…" She couldn't form words anymore. She was struggling and he could tell.

"Ok… but," he responded, cutting her off. "Take my car."

She nodded and reached for the keys. Her hands were visibly shaking as they wrapped around them. She walked over to her jacket and slipped it over her undershirt shirt. She left without saying another word.

Donald Cragen walked over to the discarded shirt that Olivia left behind.

It was covered in blood, the whole shirt.

**72-12 Castleton St.**

**GlenOaks:**

No matter how much she's hurting right now, she had to do this. She had to be strong not just for herself, but for _his _wife and _his _children. After fifteen minutes in the car, trying to keep composure and not breakdown, she made her way to the front door. She knew that this would be one of the hardest things she would have to do because this is_ his _life after the job.

The job.

She looked at his front steps, a familiar spot where they confessed their inner thoughts to each other. The same spot where she questioned her job, her actions on a particular case a few years ago.

"_But you could walk away," he said to her. _

_His eyes meeting hers, trying to get through to her as much as he could. _

"_No I can't," she answered, tears forming as she walked away. _

She pushed that moment back inside her head and knocked on the door.

"Olivia?"

She can do this, she had to do this.

"Olivia? Is something wrong?"

She focused back to the person that was in front of her- the woman who she got to know over the years, good and bad.

"Kathy.."

"Olivia… where's Elliot?"

Her head snapped up. That was the first time she heard his name in the past four hours.

"Kathy, something happened," she answered, feeling even guiltier then before. "We were working a case and Elliot was shot….. he's in… surgery," she told her in a soft tone, a little sob escaped from her lips.

Kathy looked at her, trying to comprehend to what she was just told. There was a moment of silence until the body of Kathy Stabler broke down. Olivia caught her before she could hit the ground.

"Kathy listen to me… he's going to be ok," she said, trying to reassure her.

"What am I going to tell the kids? They're not at home, they're with Bernie," she said in between sobs.

"I'll have a call made and let Bernie know what's going on. Maybe she'll keep the kids an extra day. Right now we need to get to the hospital."

Olivia had to help Kathy to the car, she couldn't walk at all.

The whole ride to the hospital, Olivia couldn't help but blame her self all over again. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't be there right now. He should be here, not her. It was all a mistake.

**Mercy Hospital: **

When Olivia walked into the doors of Mercy Hospital, the floor was covered in her brothers in blue.

_His other family._

Olivia whisked Kathy around the familiar faces, around the chaos of pointing and whispers. Olivia spotted the squad, _her family, _at the far end of the hall. Olivia was expecting the worse. She always does.

"Captain," Olivia said in a firm tone. "Any word?"

Cragen took a deep breath and looked at Mrs. Stabler, knowing she too was unstable. "They pulled three bullets from his chest and one from his shoulder. That's all I know," he said, wishing he had better news to tell.

Olivia turned to her side to face Kathy but she was gone.

"Where is…"

Munch pointed across the hall.

She walked over and looked up. She was hesitant in opening the door, not knowing what was going on the other side. She didn't know what she was in for but she went through the double doors anyway.

_The chapel._

It was only her and Kathy. She made her was over to the distraught wife, hearing her prayers as she got closer. She sat next to her and she felt Kathy grab her hand. Olivia never spent a day in church; never believe in faith per say. She might not know what she's doing but she has a pretty good understanding. It was now or never. She started praying for her partner to get better, to make a recovery for not just for his family but for her as well. If he died, she would never forgive herself and she wouldn't be able to survive it.


End file.
